I don’t know exactly what I would call all of this. You tell me you have no feelings for me, just like you did in the summer (except that you lied and later told me you did) but at the same time you get jealous when I say I’ve been doing stuff with other girls. You look at me the same way you looked at me when we first started doing this and you wanted me to kiss you. You pull me closer and closer, breathe heavily, and tug at my shirt knowing what that does to me. You kiss me and hold my hand while you tell me everything about your life. You want to see me and talk to me and you get so sad when you don’t that you eventually have to break down and tell him about it. You tell me you love him, yet you still want me there at all hours of the night. It hurts when you say that, especially when I know it’s not true. I’m just a mess.
So Im just gonna unload because I got a lot of stuff on my mind.
1) I miss Steph and I know I’m crazy and perhaps stupid but I fell so hard and now it’s still difficult trying to get over it.
2) I’m fucking pissed that I’m not over her because of the way things are playing out. I should just be like fuck her I’m done but I’m not and that angers me.
3) why didn’t she pick me? I ask myself that all the time and it kills me, I act like it doesn’t bother me at all but it really does.
4) I miss my best friend Jess.
5) a lot.
6) I wish I had more will power to just go to the gym, I keep using my tiredness as an excuse and I have to stop. That’s pretty much it.
Feeling extra gay today. I need a girlfriend to spoil. I’d send her cute pictures and she would wake up every morning to a text from me telling her how amazing she is. Why is this so hard, guys? Why can’t I just go to a school filled with lesbians? Damn Texas.
Instead of school filled with lesbians, I’d go to a school filled with short, cute straight girls. Damn New Jersey.
Sometimes you have to love someone enough to let them go
And although you think it will hurt forever
Things get better and memories start to fall
From that pedestal you put them on
Sometimes you have to love yourself enough to say goodbye
That person you can’t stop thinking of, chances are - they’re already gone.
Got a little boom in my big truck. Gonna open up the doors and turn it up. Gonna stomp my boots in the Georgia mud. Gonna watch you make me fall in love.
“Here comes goodbye,
here comes the last time,
here comes the start of every sleepless night,
the first of every tear I’m gonna cry,
here comes the pain,
here comes me wishing things had never changed,
that she was right here in my arms tonight,
but here comes,
“And I know I’ve done everything I should,
to make a bad thing good,
I guess it just took too long for me to see,
that we weren’t meant to be.”